


The Talking (and Listening) Cure

by aem77



Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-07-28 14:12:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7644019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aem77/pseuds/aem77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rebecca pays a visit to Dr. Akopian</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I know what you’re thinking,” Rebecca leans across the coffee table conspiratorially. “Awful quick turn around for the woman who was trying to crawl through your doggie door just a few months ago to steal your prescription pad. I know, I know.” Rebecca gives her best self-deprecating laugh, “But love is the best medicine. Am I right?” 

“Amirite?” she tries again, twanging the words a bit as Dr. Akopian sits stoically across from her. Rebecca waits a beat for the therapist to respond, but continues when her question is met with silence, “I just came here to say it was tremendously generous of you- tremendously,” she assures, “to agree to see me as a patient in lieu of pressing charges for that little incident,” Rebecca waves her hand dismissively. “Though to remind you,” she continues with just a hint of threat to her voice, “that would not be advisable given the limited evidence of breaking and entering in the case.” Rebecca pauses again, but Dr. Akopian is giving her nothing. “I’m a lawyer, as you know,” she tries again. “Harvard? Yale?” Man, this woman was much warmer as a dream ghost. 

“Any hoo,” she continues, “I just came here today to tell you, or really show you,” Rebecca pauses for effect flourishing her hands across her chest like a game show hostess, “how happy I am. I really think that given the circumstances therapy would really be a waste of time, for both of us.” 

She finishes with a smile and sits primly on the sofa, hands in her lap. For the last few weeks, Dr. Akopian has been calling relentlessly trying to reschedule Rebecca’s missed appointment. Having run out of excuses for canceling Rebecca thinks it is probably best to face the situation head on. She doesn’t need therapy. Why would the happiest girl in the world need therapy?

Because that is totally what she is- absolutely, irrefutably, the happiest girl in the world. This is what happiness feels like.

The doctor has been sitting statue-like for the better part of a half hour listening to her declarations of bliss so it startles Rebecca when she finally utters a small, “Mm-hmm” and taps her pencil upon her notepad. 

Dr. Akopian takes a moment to look her over and Rebecca tries her darnedest to keep her smile firmly and believably in place. How psychiatrists can manage to make you feel crazy with a simple glance is clearly a trick taught in medical school to help drum up business. After a pause, that seems wholly unnecessary, she utters a stern, “Rebecca…” 

It’s clear from the tone of her voice that this isn’t going to go as Rebecca hopes and she already begins to tune the woman across from her out, dreaming up other possible ways to avoid further sessions as the doctor continues, “I hope you realize the goal of therapy is not happiness, per se.” 

“Yep, absolutely,” Rebecca agrees earnestly only vaguely attending to the conversation.

“The true goal of therapy is stability. There are going to be times of happiness and times of sadness in anyone’s life. That’s to be expected for everyone’s time on this earth. What we want to do for you is to make sure that you have the tools necessary, all the tools, psychological as well as pharmacological,” Dr. Akopian adds meaningfully with a nod towards her prescription pad on the desk behind her, “to deal with those ups and downs.”

“Totally,” Rebecca agrees making to stand and reaching for her purse on the coffee table. Really if definitively proving to this woman that she is undeniably, blissfully, totally happy isn’t going to get her out of therapy sessions she’s not going to waste anymore of her time here. Clearly she’s going to need Paula’s help on this one. Though her means are highly unconventional and often morally suspect, Paula gets shit done. 

Her eyes dart back and forth across the office taking in the pictures on the walls and family photos framed upon the desk as Dr. Akopian drones on and on about a metaphor with raging rapids and paddles and canoes. Perhaps she can find some dirt to take back to Paula, a faked degree maybe? An illegitimate child?

She’s just trying to devise some diversion that will allow her to take a quick picture of the diplomas hanging behind the desk when an opportunity falls into her lap. She’s brought out of her scheming when Dr. Akopian announces, “I definitely think we should plan to meet again next week, same time if that works for you.” Rebecca finds herself agreeing automatically. Hopefully she and Paula will have devised some other means of shaking off this psychological pit bull by then.

“I’d love to continue now, as you obviously are in need of the help,” she gives Rebecca that look once more, “but I have another patient coming in soon and I’d like to use the restroom beforehand. You can see yourself out?” Dr. Akopian asks as she makes to exit the room.

“Absolutely,” Rebecca smiles back. She must look a bit manic, because Dr. Akopian retraces her steps from the door and picks up her prescription pad before heading out once more. At the door she turns around and stresses meaningfully, “Till next week.”

Rebecca nods enthusiastically and counts to ten after the door has closed before turning hurriedly and moving behind the large oaken desk. She’s taken photos of the degrees and personal photographs on the walls when she gets distracted by the notepad lying on the desk before her. Always a little obsessive about the opinions of others she finds it simply impossible to not read what the doctor has written during their session. She sits down in the large leather seat and takes in Dr. Akopian’s untidy scrawl, another trait taught in med school no doubt. 

The words ‘delusional’ and ‘depressed’ jump out at her and she starts to feel the tendrils of anxiety creep along her neck. How could this be the doctor’s impression of her? She was happy. So happy! And she had practiced telling people about it. Practiced what she would say today to Dr. Akopian, practiced telling Paula and Ms. Hernandez and everyone at the office, practiced telling herself. Rebecca knows how to give a presentation, knows how to be persuasive. How could this be the impression she’s giving off? How? 

She is so overwhelmed by the panic of somehow being misunderstood, now when she was finally- finally!- happy, that she almost doesn’t hear the sound of approaching voices behind the office door. Too late she recognizes Dr. Akopian’s deep tenor and another muffled voice. Without really thinking it through, she dives beneath the large desk and tries desperately to calm her breathing and slow her racing heart. Whatever happens, she cannot let Dr. Akopian discover her hiding in her office if she is ever going to have a chance to prove to her how happy and not in need of therapy she is. 

She’s finally managed to slow her heart rate and regulate her breathing enough to begin to actually hear the others in the room over the pulsing of her own blood in her ears when her nervous system gets a second jolt. 

The oh so familiar, but irrevocably estranged voice of Greg Serrano rings out, “I don’t even know why I’m here.”


	2. Chapter 2

“I don’t even know why I’m here.”

She hasn’t heard Greg’s voice since he told her she was ‘cool’ during their disastrous conversation at Jayma’s wedding. She hasn’t really thought of him since she and Josh began their love story that same night. True, once in awhile, particularly late a night as she’s dropping off to sleep, the memory of his face or voice or touch might pop up into her consciousness, but over the past few weeks she’s done a pretty excellent job of driving any thought of Greg Serrano from her mind. 

But here hiding under Dr. Akopian’s desk, it’s like she’s in a sensory deprivation tank and her only stimulation is the conversation happening just feet away. His voice, exasperated and a little bit desperate seems to be emanating not from the couch beyond the desk but from her own chest. 

“In my experience, people usually turn to therapy when they want to make a change in their lives but feel like they’ve run out of other options,” Dr. Akopian’s voice now rumbles through her little bunker.

“Yeah, right. A change,” Greg scoffs and Rebecca remembers why she’s with Josh and not Greg. He sounds so petulant she wants to climb out from behind the desk and smack him across the face. Why can’t he take anything serious? Care about anything? Believe in anything?

But her internal ranting against Greg and all his faults is cut short as he continues in a far less grumpy and much sadder voice, “What if change isn’t possible? What then? I mean not everything is in your control. People get sick, they leave,” he pauses a beat, “they chose someone else.”

Rebecca knows she is no moral giant, but even by her somewhat skewed moral compass she knows this is wrong. She can’t- cannot- listen to this. It is totally inappropriate. These are Greg’s deepest darkest thoughts and feelings, some of which may concern her, and her being here, hearing this, is a total violation. But what is the alternative? Jump up from behind the desk and admit to what is already crazy and unacceptable behavior? She would rather actually die before she let anyone, even Paula, know about any of this. So she claps her hands over her ears, steadies her breathing and dutifully tries to ignore the voices bouncing around her hiding place. 

And for the most part she does an okay job of it, losing herself briefly in a fantasy musical number where a shirtless Josh is driving her off into the sunset on a motorcycle to the accompaniment of a sexy saxophone solo. It all gets a little boggled though as a khaki-clad Greg pulls them over complete with aviator glasses and the theme song from CHIPS playing in the background. Distracted from her daydream by the imaginary Greg in her head, she picks up on the actual one speaking once more. 

“I know Shauna loves me. Like cognitively I know it, right? But not emotionally. Does that make sense? And Heather is right. I know I was being an asshole. Sorry, um… a-hole?” Greg tries to correct himself but Dr. Akopian gives a small chuckle and reassures him, “You can say asshole, Greg. It’s fine. I don’t want you to think you need to filter yourself here.”

If Rebecca was actively trying to not listen before, she’s done a complete three-sixty and now has her ear pressed firmly against the wood paneling separating her from the seating area beyond. Who was Shauna again? His Mom? And why was Greg talking about his relationship with his mother with Heather? Rebecca feels a stab of something not unlike jealousy when she thinks about her neighbor being more privy to Greg’s feelings than herself, well at least becoming more privy to his thought and feelings the conventional way. After all, he ran to the courthouse for her, not Heather. They broke up so that he could pursue her, Rebecca. Why wouldn’t he share these things with her?

“I’d like you to try something for me,” Dr Akopian’s voice breaks through Rebecca’s inner monologue. “I’d like you to forget about what you think you are supposed to feel about your mother. Don’t concern yourself with what you know cognitively, just speak about how you feel emotionally.”

“What do I feel?” Greg all but shouts making Rebecca jump a little with his force. “It isn’t fair, that’s how I feel. It isn’t fair,” he repeats more quietly sounding tired. Rebecca wonders if he may even be crying and then feels a wave of embarrassment for the both of them. “I get that she wanted to avoid pushing me away, but I was eight! And she just left. She did it to make it easier on herself. It was selfish. She wants to sell it like it wasn’t, but it was. She was the adult. She should have put up with the consequences of leaving. I feel,” Greg hesitates and Rebecca can imagine him sitting there, shoulders hunched, hands fisted, “I feel like I want her to suffer the consequences, you know? She’s so happy in her perfect little life without us. It’s like, if she doesn’t have the occasional discomfort of my contempt then she gets off scot free, you know?” Dr. Akopian’s response is given so quietly she can’t quite make it out, but it earns her another defeated, “It isn’t fair,” from Greg. 

She isn’t sure if this whole spiel is having any affect on Dr. Akopian, but it is definitely making an impression on her. She thinks again to that holiday in Phoenix, her father so eager to cast her aside and get on with his own happy life. Greg’s right. It isn’t fair. Their parents, their stupid messed up parents, were the adults. If she and Greg and who knows how many countless others are making a mess of things now in their own adult lives surely some of the blame lies with their parents.

Dr. Akopian’s voice announcing that Greg’s time is almost up brings Rebecca back from that humiliating winter in Arizona to the equally mortifying present. Though her legs are starting to cramp and her back is stiff she still can’t believe she’s been hiding under this desk for the better part of an hour.

“I want you to do some homework this week, Greg” Dr. Akopian says and Rebecca feels another twinge of jealousy. What the hell? She didn’t get any homework! Rebecca is amazing at homework and vows to take on Greg’s by proxy. “I’d like you to try to fully experience the feelings you encounter this week. Don’t filter yourself. Don’t correct yourself. Just take note of what you really feel.”

Rebecca doesn’t have to see Greg’s face to tell that this task falls somewhere between cleaning out the toilets at Home Base and attending another SoCal wedding as far as he’s concerned, but she is more than a little surprised and impressed when he replies earnestly, “I’ll try.”

It takes another five minutes or so after Greg has left and Dr. Akopian thankfully follows him to the front door till Rebecca is finally able to emerge from beneath the desk. Her left foot is fast asleep but the rest of her body feels like it is surging with nervous energy. Stealthily she ducks out into the hall and takes up refuge in the restrooms till she is certain Dr. Akopian is back in her office with her next patient. 

Once safely back at her apartment she spends a solid half an hour pacing her living room, not really settling on any one thought. She saw (well heard, anyhow) Greg! She spied on his therapy session! He hates his mother! Her father screwed her up! Greg needs to feel his feelings! She heard Greg!

She’d probably go on forever like this if not for the buzz of her cell phone finally dragging her out of her thoughts. A new text message reveals that Josh won’t be able to make the movie tonight. Did they have plans? Something to do with Hector and a surf competition tomorrow. She wonders if that’s a blow off? Not less than three hours ago, she’d have called Paula immediately to discuss the wording and details of the message, but now she finds she’s actually a bit relieved. It’s been a weird day. She isn’t proud of what she’s done and she doesn’t want any of the guilt and shame she feels to be associated with her time with Josh. He’s her happy place and there is no way she’s letting this storm cloud anywhere near him. 

Instead she makes the infinitely foolish decision to call her mother. It’s been a few weeks since they’ve talked and hearing Greg’s saga of maternal desertion makes her just the tiniest bit sentimental for her own mother- infuriating, yes, but loyal in her own way.

Forty-five minutes later she’s nearly in tears as her mother finally wraps up her assessment of Rebecca’s poor decision-making skills, lack of financial sense, and thick body frame. Though as her mother signs off with a, “Love you, Bubala,” she finds she doesn’t really regret making the call.


	3. Chapter 3

The next time she finds herself under Dr. Akopian’s desk, she swears it’s not premeditated. 

It’s just that after secretly listening in on Greg’s cathartic therapy session, Rebecca is actually excited about her own meeting with Dr. Akopian. She’s even does her homework, well Greg’s homework technically. She admits that despite it being horribly superficial of her she’s actually a little repulsed by Brody the grocery clerk’s half eyelid- though it was pretty freaking magical when he pulled that rotisserie chicken out from behind her ear. She lets herself be thoroughly bored by Daryl’s entirely too long story about one of Madison’s snails escaping its cage. And though he usually fills her with so much happiness that she feels like a goddamn Care Bear with sunshine bursting from her belly she even admits she feels the tiniest bit annoyed by Josh from time to time. Like when he couldn’t make change at the Boba stand or when she had to explain that Ziggy cartoon to him.

Even though she recites all of this to the good doctor and even throws in her own emotional rendition of ‘It’s not fair,’ rather than respond with encouragement and homework suggestions, Dr. Akopian just looks at her oddly and suggests perhaps she try being more authentic during their sessions. More authentic? She practiced these confessions all week; how much more authentic can she get?! 

So when she accidentally- hand to God, it’s an accident- leaves her purse behind and needs to enter the office unattended she gives into the impulse to climb beneath the desk once more and receive some honest to goodness therapy by surrogate. She tries hard not to think about what it means that it is Greg Serrano’s therapy she’s co-opting. 

She doesn’t waste time worrying about the guilt that washes over her, however. There is plenty of time for that later and Rebecca is good at compartmentalizing. Instead she gets comfortable and diverts all of her attention to the session taking place beyond the desk.

Greg’s talking about his dad today and Rebecca is surprised again by how little they seemed to talk about the things that mattered during their short time together. She knows Greg takes care of his dad and that the sacrifice has kept him in West Covina, but he surprises her when he admits a part of him likes that his father’s illness gave him an excuse to defer business school.

“Of course, I don’t want to be here. Who in their right mind would?” Dr. Akopian must be giving him the look all the residents of West Covina give Greg when he makes this assertion because he continues apologetically, “I mean, yes, it has a lot of fine qualities and I get why someone would want to live here. But it’s not for me. I mean ever since I was a kid I dreamed of leaving this place.” 

“But when that plan was diverted you felt…relief?” Dr. Akopian asks.

“Yeah. I mean disappointment and anger and all that normal stuff too. But a little bit of relief.” She hears him audibly sigh before elaborating, “It’s like the day before a big test or something. You know you’ve studied and you’re ready and you can rock it. But you still feel a little respite if the thing gets cancelled.”

“You know Greg,” Dr. Akopian supplies, “it’s very natural to fear change, to fear success. Often we protect ourselves by deferring gratification.” 

“You can’t fail if you don’t try?” Greg offers with a mirthless laugh.

“Exactly.”

That week’s homework is taking on small challenges and embracing failure and Rebecca thinks she does a pretty admirable job when she signs up for the ‘Fat to Fit Challenge’ at White Josh’s gym. After ten squats she’s ready to pack it in, but sticks around for another twenty before gracefully crawling to the locker rooms. That night at home whilst icing her thighs she wonders what small challenges Greg is working on that week. 

It isn’t until the third week that she crops up in Greg’s therapy sessions and true to her new ‘feel your feelings’ policy she realizes this upsets her. She isn’t really even that heavily featured as Greg and Dr. Akopian instead use most of the hour discussing his relationship with Josh. 

“I’m not jealous,” Greg says sounding absolutely riddled with jealousy to Rebecca. Dr. Akopian must think so too because after a moment of her stubborn silence he continues, “Okay maybe I am, but not for the reasons you think. It’s not like I want to be him or anything. I just...” Greg hesitates struggling to put his feelings into concrete words. “I hate how easily everything comes to him. That’s what I’m jealous of. He is always going on and on about how unreliable I am, but he’s never, and I mean never, been tested in anything!” Greg huffs in frustration and pauses so long that Rebecca thinks he might be finished when he begins again, “Everything, every person, he wants just falls into his lap.”

“And you want that too? Dr. Akopian prods.

“No!” Greg barks back sounding petulant again. “No, its not that,” He says more calmly. “I just want everyone to acknowledge that he’s lucky. It’s like it’s just taken for granted that he’s this easy-going, chill, super nice guy. But he’s not, not really. You should have heard him when Rebecca,” Greg stops to clarify “this woman we were both interested in, when she was with me. He was jealous and petty and really shitty to his girlfriend at the time. But is there any fallout for him? No. He gets the girl I liked, everyone still thinks he’s a nice guy and I’m the asshole in everything.” 

“Greg,” Dr. Akopian begins, “ I know we’ve spent a lot of time since you’ve started therapy working on being honest about your feelings and I think you’ve made some very good progress. But I think its time we moved on to the next step.” Rebecca finds herself listening attentively impatient to hear Dr. Akopian’s advice. “Now that you are more comfortable admitting how you feel, I think its time to begin to work on dealing with those feelings. It seems to me that you have two possible choices regarding your friendship. You can acknowledge the hurt Josh has caused you and choose to move past it, or you can decide that the relationship is not worth pursuing.” 

Greg begins to speak, but Dr. Akopian interrupts with a succinct, “ I can’t tell you which choice is the right one for you. There really isn’t a right or wrong choice to be honest. But I can tell you that you need to move past this animosity; whether it's a clean break or a reconciliation is up to you.

Rebecca struggles to fall asleep that night, snippets of the hour under Dr. Akopian’s desk coming back to her again and again. Hearing Greg’s perspective on Josh is a revelation and while her first impulse is to defend him, she knows that a lot of what Greg said is true. Josh did treat Valencia terribly in the final days of their relationship, and Greg may not know it even, but Josh treated Greg quite badly too not having any idea that she and he were finished the night of Jayma’s wedding. It’s as if Greg has cast a shadow over everything she thought she believed about Josh and the effect has left her reeling. In a last ditch effort to get some sleep she uses her best techniques to distract herself from this line of thinking. Unfortunately as her mind is finally clear and she is slowly inching towards sleep another revelation occurs to her. Greg hadn’t thought she was ‘cool’; he’d liked her.


	4. Chapter 4

She decides that Dr. Akopian must have gone to the Harvard-of-Somewhere for her medical degree because Rebecca is stealing some first-rate therapy. She wouldn’t have thought it possible but over the next week she finds herself looking at her boyfriend in an entirely new light. Hearing Greg’s take on Josh has ripped the rose-tinted glasses from her eyes and she can’t help but feel the real Josh pales a lot by comparison to the dream guy she’s been imagining. It’s not that she entirely agrees with Greg. Josh is a good guy. He’s laid back and friendly and adorable with puppies in the park. But Greg is right that he’s never under pressure. He’s as likely to quit when things get rough as Greg she realizes, like New York, his relationship with Valencia, Greg’s friendship.

She’s also turned some of this new insightfulness on herself and is realizing she hasn’t been much of an actual partner in their relationship either. Since they’ve been together there hasn’t been a single moment that hasn’t been carefully coordinated and choreographed by her and Paula. When she finally tries to simply date Josh, free of the fairy tale, and its just the two of them talking about their day at the Boba stand, she’s forced to admit that while she likes Josh and enjoys his company, the great romance she’s been envisioning is nowhere to be found. When she decides to end it a few days later, he doesn’t seem upset so much as relieved. “I think our timing was off or something,” he tells her with a quick peck on the cheek. “Friends?”

And then there’s Greg. She can’t stop thinking about him. Or more to the point, she can’t stop thinking about what he thinks of her. He had told Dr. Akopian that he’d liked her, past tense. Was that deliberate? He hadn’t really talked about her much during his therapy sessions. Wouldn’t he have said more if he still cared? She tries not to think about it, instead simply celebrate being free of her Josh obsession, but Greg keeps creeping into her thoughts. She wishes for the umpteenth time that she could see him again. It feels so strange to feel closer to him than ever while to his knowledge they haven’t even seen each other for months.

The week since Greg’s last session is almost up when a little prying during a quick phone call with Josh reveals Greg still hasn’t done Dr. Akopian’s homework by reaching out to his estranged friend. Ignoring the hundreds of ways her plan may backfire, she figures she ought to help things along by bringing the two men together. If it means she can finally be reunited with Greg again, well so much the better.

“You ready?” Rebecca asks encouragingly standing outside the door of Home Base, which a little reconnaissance has shown to be Greg’s location this afternoon. 

“Not really,” Josh shuffles his feet uncomfortably. “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea, Becks.”

“No, no. It is. It totally is. Trust me on this one. He’s your best friend, and I know things have been strained between you guys since everything went down,” Rebecca casually eludes to the havoc she’s inadvertently caused between the two, “but I have it on good authority that he wants to talk to you. Work this thing out.” Rebecca silently hopes its true.

When she and Josh finally muster up the courage to enter, Greg and Heather are working behind the counter. Their eyes grow comically large as they take in their newest patrons and Heather throws a worrying gaze over at Greg before stepping between him and the bar.

“Hey neighbor,” she says with false casualness. “How’s it going?” She raises her eyebrow and Rebecca can see her actual question- What the hell are you doing here?- written all over her face.

“Good, good. Just wanted to pop in and say ‘hello’,” Rebecca says cheerfully scrunching up her face a bit trying to wordlessly tell Heather to trust her on this.

“Hello," she says to Heather. Then tentatively she adds a, “Hello, Greg,” raising herself up on the bar a bit to peek past Heather’s protective frame.

Greg says nothing, but stares back at her with that incredulous and confused expression he seems to reserve just for her.

“Josh,” Rebecca encourages, “Don’t you want to say hello?”

“Hey man,” Josh mumbles to the counter.

They all stand in silence for another moment and even Rebecca can’t spin this as anything other than an awkward disaster. She’d stupidly thought that if she could just get everyone together in the same place at the same time that the recriminations, explanations, and finally forgiveness would follow but the obstinate silence that meets her ears now is proof of how foolish she’s been. 

“So,” Rebecca starts simply searching for some inlet of conversation to break up some of tension. But her voice seems to break Greg out of his trance, because he cuts her off sharply with, “Do you guys want a drink or something? Because this is a bar and Heather and I are working. So you should probably order something or just go.”

“He’s right,” Josh says in defeat. “We should go, Rebecca.”

He makes to leave but Rebecca holds his arm and leads him back to the bar. Rebecca is so frustrated with Greg, she could scream. What about his therapy, his homework?

“No,” she admonishes both men. “We aren’t going anywhere till you two have talked. Greg wants to talk to you Josh. I know he does. Don’t you Greg?” She looks pleadingly back at Greg across the bar and tries to wordlessly encourage him- This is your chance! Don’t blow it! 

“Nope,” Greg replies popping the last syllable and furiously whipping down the spotless beer stein in his hands. 

“Of course you do,” Rebecca continues earnestly leaning across the bar trying to make eye contact. She’s so desperate to get his attention. He needs this. She knows he does. And she needs this too. If she and Josh walk out of here now, when and how will she ever see him again? So she plows on recklessly, “What about being honest with yourself, huh? What about taking chances? Moving past animosity?” 

Greg goes stock-still and stares blankly at the space just beyond Rebecca, eyebrows furrowed. The moment he puts it all together is terrifying as he shifts his gaze to her face and spits in a furious whisper, “Back room, Rebecca. Now.”

She freezes as she watches him retreat to the stockroom. Josh and Heather exchange confused looks obviously thrown by Greg’s sudden urgent demand for a private conversation. She’s trying furiously to come up with some plausible explanation for why she’s just thrown Dr. Akopian’s weekly assignments back at him, something that will keep him from knowing the awful shameful truth, but her mind is in a total panic. Stupid, stupid, Rebecca! He is never going to forgive her and she is never going to see him again. The desperate terror this thought instills in her probably does more to finally convince her to follow him behind the bar and into the stockroom, to have him in her sights for as long as possible before he separates them forever, than the angry, “NOW!” that erupts when she hesitates.


	5. Chapter 5

“Those things, you said out there, about honesty and animosity, how did you know about that?” His voice is barely a whisper and he is looking at her not so much with anger now as with fear. 

Rebecca grasps widely around in her mind for some excuse, any excuse that will make sense, “I didn’t,” she stutters, “I don’t know. I was just…just talking.” It sounds feeble to her own ears.

“Don’t lie,” he demands. “Don’t you dare lie. How did you know about any of that?”

“I heard you,” Rebecca admits bringing her hands to her face. She can’t bear to look at the expression that must be on his face right now.

“You heard me?” he asks incredulous. “You heard me? How is that possible? I never told anyone any of that.” He stops and heaves an enormous sigh as a shadow of the truth occurs to him. “I only ever told any of that to…” he trails off looking at her as if begging for his suspicions to be wrong.

“Dr. Akopian,” she finishes. Peeking through her fingers she can see him looking down now shaking his head over and over again.

“No,” he says beginning to pace. “No that’s not possible, Rebecca. That would be insane. Are you insane?” He nearly screams at her. 

“I swear I didn’t mean to. It was an accident. My appointment was before yours and I was trying to get out of seeing her so I was at her desk and then you and she came in and I panicked,” she’s rambling now desperately trying to make him understand how she could do something so unforgiveable. “But then it was helping, you know, helping me, to listen for once. So the next time…”

“The next time?” He shrieks. “You did this multiple times? Jesus, Rebecca.” He’s still holding the beer stein from before, rolling it back and forth mindlessly between his palms, his grip so tight his knuckles are white from the exertion. She steps towards him and reaches for his hands, worried the glass will break, but he jerks suddenly away from her releasing the glass in the process which smashes loudly against the wall. They both stand in shocked silence for a moment before he turns back to her and pleads angrily, “Just get out of here. Please.” 

She moves towards him again, not willing to leave like this. But before she can reach him, Josh, summoned by the sounds of breaking glass appears between them. “Dude, what the hell?” He exclaims taking in the chaos and a nearly frantic Rebecca. 

“Get out!” Greg barks at her again, trembling with the effort to restrain his fury.

“Greg, please,” Rebecca begs needing to explain her actions, needing to beg his forgiveness. But Heather has joined them in the back room now, hands gently guiding Greg away from her as Josh ushers her back towards the bar. 

She gives up resisting and is turning in defeat to leave when Greg stops and turns back to her. “You know what the worst part is?” He asks his voice low and unsteady. “It was working, Rebecca. It was working. I was getting better.” He gives a mirthless laugh before adding, “And you ruined that. You ruined everything.”

She can’t argue with that. So she nods sadly and walks out into the bright parking lot and away from Greg forever. 

 

She spends the following week laid out on her couch staring at the walls and mindlessly watching whatever happens to be on television. Every few hours, like clockwork, she’ll find herself in the midst of a crying jag as her internal voice breaks through to remind her how massively and irreversibly she’s ruined everything, but mostly she just feels empty and hollow inside. Realistically she knows that the cupcakes Paula brought that she’s been subsisting on will run out and that even Darryl won’t buy that a bad menstrual period would last indefinitely. The real world awaits and she can’t wallow in self-pity and loss forever. 

She’s just taken her first shower in a week when she hears the knock on her door. Assuming its Paula come to check on her and hopefully bring a fresh supply of baked goods she doesn’t bother to move from her position on the couch, merely shouting out a muffled “Come in,” into her pillow.

When neither Paula’s voice nor the smell of pastries greets her she adjusts her head to look into her living room where she finds Greg looking awkward and uncomfortable. “Um, Hi?” He offers.

She’s so startled she says nothing, just stares at him mouth agape like the big fish on her wall. 

“Can we talk?” He asks moving without waiting for a reply to sit on the couch beside her. He stares out unseeingly at the dark television in front of them and she takes the opportunity to study his profile. He looks nearly as awful as she must, hair disheveled and dark bags under his eyes. Of course strung out kind of works for that sexy grumpy thing he has going on. She doubts her own week of wallowing is doing her any favors. She’s seized by a sudden self-consciousness that drives her to sit up from her prone position and pat her damp and messy hair. 

They sit like that in a pensive silence for a few moments more before he looks over at her and sighs heavily. She can see him mentally struggling with how to begin, so she uses the moment to finally say what has been eating her up for weeks. “I’m so sorry, Greg. Honestly. I can’t believe I did what I did. I knew the whole time that I shouldn’t but I couldn’t seem to stop and I’m just so sorry.”

He looks at her again, brow furrowed as if he’s trying to work something out or come to a decision. Then turning again to look out beyond the couch he says, “I know you’re sorry. It’s okay. I don’t really want to talk about that actually.” 

“Oh.” It’s Rebecca’s turn to look confused. She peers at him again trying to figure out what all this means. Does he forgive her? “Okay, good. Because I really am so sorry.” Despite his words, she gives her apology anew. How can he not want to talk about what happened?

He seems to be ignoring her, instead working on steadying his resolve so when she starts in again on a third round of explanation and contrition, he cuts her off with, “I came here because I’m trying to do my homework.”

“Oh,” Rebecca says with understanding. Fantastic! Greg is doing his homework. She hadn’t ruined his therapy after all. The thought fills her with the first warm feeling she’s had in weeks. “I’m so glad,” she says earnestly. “I know that once you and Josh have had the opportunity to talk about everything, you’re going to feel so much…”

“I’m not talking about Josh,” Greg moans dropping his head into his hands. “It is possible for the rest of us to have a conversation that doesn’t include Josh from time to time,” he says bitterly sitting up once again. 

“You brought him up,” Rebecca says defensively. She’s becoming more and more confused by the minute. Greg doesn’t want to hear her apologies? He wants to do his homework but not talk about Josh? What is he going to do, bust out some case studies from night school? And why was he throwing Josh in her face? They’ve been broken up for weeks. It occurs to her that Greg might not know this last piece of information so she adds sulkily, “Josh and I aren’t even together anymore.”

“You aren’t?” Greg turns his questioning gaze back on her again but he seems dissatisfied by the simple shake of her head she gives in return. He sighs again and runs his hands distractedly through his hair. “It doesn’t matter,” he mumbles more to himself than to her. Then facing her more squarely on the couch he says very clearly, “I am here to try to do my homework from Dr. Akopian. Not about my relationship with Josh, but my relationship with you.”

“Oh,” Rebecca repeats again. Okay, yes. This is good. This is perfect actually. She and Greg are going to repair their relationship. They are going to move past animosity and move towards the future. It’s better than she could ever imagine. So she sits taller, takes a deep breath and mirrors his movement tucking her leg beneath her to better face him on the couch. “Let’s do this,” she says with determination.

Greg seems a little taken aback by Rebecca’s eagerness and turns to fall back against the couch once more looking out at the room at large. “Things have never, ever,” he stresses looking over at her, “been easy between us, Rebecca. But when you first moved here I thought that with you I would finally have a chance to do things differently than I’d been doing them.” She’s not sure where he’s going with this but he’s speaking so earnestly she doesn’t have the heart to interrupt for clarification and chooses just to listen for once to what Greg is trying to tell her. “That day at the taco fest, you know before the awful part of it, it was good. It was really good. We were having fun and being open and healthy and,” he trails off sighing deeply again. 

“When you accused me of not doing my homework the other day at Home Base, about Josh,” Again with Josh? Rebecca thinks in frustration thoroughly lost in Greg’s narrative now. “You were wrong. I had done it and I’d decided to move on. Josh is fine. I don’t hate him or anything like that,” he throws in halting the argument she’s about to make, “but my relationship with him, with all those guys is toxic. We’re all just friends because its what we’ve always been. And if I want to be someone different, change, make different decisions, I can’t do that with them constantly there reminding me of who I’ve been. Does that make sense?” He looks over at her pleadingly.

She’s not sure how to respond. It makes sense, but she still doesn’t think walking away from all the relationships in his life is the right move. Before she can give him any kind of answer, however, he plows ahead, “So when you first moved here I thought maybe, finally, I could start a relationship that wasn’t,” he falters gesturing with his hands as he looks for the right word, “tainted,” he finishes. 

He looks at her now for a long few moments and Rebecca has to remind herself that breathing is an essential life skill. He gives her that look of steely resolve again before charging on, “But it is tainted. We are tainted. We started that way because of you and your crazy Josh thing and we ended that way because of me and my crazy insecurities. And I don’t want to be broken anymore. I just want to start fresh, you know?”

Her natural tendency, honed from years of practice, is to deny, delude and deceive so it takes her a few moments to process and accept that Greg has done his homework and his decision is to walk away from her. Is he right? Are they broken beyond repair? What’s the healthy thing to do here? She’s so lost in her thoughts she doesn’t realize Greg’s risen from the couch and is making his way to the front door. 

“Greg, wait!” She jumps up mobilized by the sight of his retreating form. 

He turns back to her with his hand still upon the doorknob. His expression clearly says he doubts there is anything left for them to say to one another, but he hasn’t quite learned how to turn away from her yet. 

“Maybe you don’t have to leave to start all over.” He just stares at her with a mix of pity and exasperation on his face. Man, his mouth is expressive; she totally wants to kiss it. Focus, Rebecca! 

She takes a step towards him and starts in again, “I get it, right? Like I totally do. I left New York and everything and everyone I knew and tossed a thousand dollars worth of pharmaceuticals down the drain- literally,” she stresses. He’s looking at her with that look of his: part incredulity, part fondness and she wants desperately to wipe away the doubt and just see the affection. “But it didn’t fix anything.” 

His hand is off the doorknob and he’s positioned his body more fully around to face her, so she takes this as encouragement to move a few more steps down the hallway and continues, “Maybe we can start over together.”

“Rebecca,” he begins. But she interrupts him to stop any argument that he might have. She’s right about this. She knows it. Now she just needs to convince him she’s right. 

“I mean it!” She insists. “You want to change your life? You want to start fresh? Then do it. Right now, with me. Don’t quit on this. Don’t walk away from this thing we have because you’re scared.”

“It’s not that easy, Rebecca,’ Greg says. “You can’t just wish away our history,” he presses the heels of his hands into his eyes and huffs in frustration. Then taking a deep breath he goes on, “The reality is that I’m not anyone’s Prince Charming. And I’m not saying that cause I hate myself or because I’m broken or any of that stuff. Though I do hate myself and I am super broken obviously,” Greg takes a minute from his rant to clarify before continuing, “I’m saying it because it’s true. Even as the best version of myself I’m never going to be able to give you the romantic stuff you want.” He continues sadly, “I know that you’re over Josh the person, but that doesn’t mean you’re over the idea of Josh. I’m never going to fit that idea. And I’ll just end up disappointing you.”

“The only thing I want,” Rebecca begins realizing as she’s speaking that it is finally true, “is honesty.” It occurs to her that this is probably the most authentic and mature she’s ever been with anyone before. “Do you care about me, Greg?” 

He’s worrying his upper lip and staring at her with so much intensity that she’s tempted to look away, but doesn’t. After a minute, he gives a curt nod of his head and it means more to her than if he’d professed his love in skywriting or spelled it out in rose petals or any number of the other sappy ways she’s imagined declarations of love over the years. 

“Good,” she says simply not able to stop the huge grin that’s spreading over her face. “Then we are going to get better. Together. We can do this,” she tells him confidently. “We’re grown-ass adults,” she reasons inching ever nearer. 

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” Greg dismisses. 

“We have adult jobs.”

“I work as a bartender,” he counters, “at a baseball diamond.”

“They don't let kids do that,” Rebecca reminds him. She’s a damn good lawyer and there isn’t a chance in hell she’s going to lose this argument. 

“We have adult responsibilities,” she continues with another forward step.

“I live rent free with my father,” he reminds her. “Though I do pay the utilities,” he adds with a small grin. This is working! She takes another step and he’s within arms range now.

“I’m serious,” she says reaching for his hand. Her heart jumps a little when he willingly links their fingers together. “We can leave that baggage of when we were kids behind. I know who you are and you know me. We do work. We can get better together. Be adults together.” 

“When you put it that way,” Greg says playfully. He’s teasing her but she thinks his leer may be genuine and it makes the rest of her jump a little too. 

“A do-over,” Rebecca announces ceremoniously. “The taco fest is coming back to town soon. Wanna go?”

“I don’t know,” Greg begins and Rebecca’s heart sinks a little before he continues, “Too many vegans. What else you got?”

“Rib fest?” Rebecca suggests smiling again. “Not a vegan is sight.”

“True, but I’m not sure I trust you around all that meat.”

“Oh I know,” Rebecca says genuinely excited now. She’s been wanting to check out her next suggestion ever since she moved to California. “Why don’t we drive into Los Angeles and visit the Getty? See some art. There’s this exhibit…”

But she never gets to elaborate on what she’s hoping to see at the art museum as her words are cut short by Greg who is finally kissing her again.


End file.
